Strength

According to Dictionary.com, strength is "the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power; vigor." (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/strength?s=t).  When most people think of strength, they think of muscular strength...Tonight, I had the privilege of speaking with a person who is the very picture of strength.  

Many moons ago, I had the incredible privilege to ride with and meet my friend, Pat Blackman.  I like to call her "Persistent Pat."  Pat was almost always smiling and she just kept going, no matter what.  I love her because to me she was so strong and had strength that many people dream of having.  After meeting Pat, I was fortunate enough to meet her partner, Sherry.  Sherry always had a smile and a joke.  Pat and Sherry became part of my family.  If there was something going on, they were there and smiling.  They were at my Masters' graduation party, at my birthday/going away party or any other event.  I always expected if our C4 family was going to get together then they would be there.  Both of these women are incredible.  If not for Ms Pat and Ms Sherry, I am not sure that Ride Without Limits-NC ride would have made it.

My friend, Pat, died this year.  It was unexpected.  We moved to another country and my heart was broken because I could not be there.  Thankfully for my family from love, they shared it with me.  Pat had strength that people could not express in words.  She wasn't interested in winning or speed but getting to the end.  She had many obstacles to overcome when cycling but she did it with a smile.  Luckily, my friend, Leo, and I had the privilege of riding her first century with her.  My friend and Spinning mentor, Furman, and I were able to ride her first 60 miler with her.  She is/was truly amazing.  

Sherry took some of my very first Spinning classes and I had the ultimate privilege of getting to know her.  Sherry is another incredible woman.  She overcame more hurdles in a few years that most people don't go through in a lifetime.  

Pat and Sherry would have been together 20 years this coming January.  They loved each other and it was apparent.  

Tonight, I talked to Ms. Sherry.  Honestly, I will tell you that I probably put off calling Sherry because I wasn't sure I could handle Pat's death and my broken heart.  I was being selfish and wrong. Her strength after Pat's death is nothing short of AMAZING!  Words cannot express how strong she is.  Most people don't want to deal with normal bad stuff nevertheless death.  Sherry has done that.  She is still working on it but knows some days will be a struggle. But even more impressive is that she has the strength to admit that. I wish I could put into words her strength.  There aren't enough words.  Her strength makes me want to ride my bike a little further and be a little stronger mentally.  AND admit that sometimes you need a little help to get through the really crappy stuff.  

Riding my bicycle has brought me many joys but none ever so great as meeting people that can truly inspire you.  Thank GOD for that.  Folks, don't take that stuff for granted because some day it might just be gone.  Ms. Pat never got too big for her britches and was the first to volunteer or be there.  She helped so many riders become what they are today.  Appreciate it because a lady like Ms. Pat and Ms. Sherry don't come along very often, if at all.  I consider myself extremely lucky to have these wonderful women in my life... Ride on, my friends, ride on.

You are beautiful!

Tonight, I started reading “I am Beautiful.”  It is women saying how they are beautiful in their own words.  It is not at all a story of outer beauty but inner beauty.  There are wonderful photos of these women.  They have gone through tons of struggles and have the courage to see how beautiful they are.  It moved me. 

Last year, I thought I was beautiful for one of the first times in my life.  Somehow, I think I was equating that beauty with speed on the bicycle.  Slowly, I started to lose that speed and almost lost the love of my bicycle.  I couldn’t understand why this was happening and somehow I began to feel very ugly. In fact, on Saturday night, I said to my husband  in tears, “I’m so ugly.”  I am angry at getting knocked down after working literally years to build up ability on my bicycle and right now that is all I have that is mine. Today, I was so angry over something that didn’t really matter.  I also rode further than I have since February.  I had a wonderful ride.  I felt good and didn’t look at the computer every minute to see my speed.  It didn’t matter.  I took this anger out on my bicycle and I ended up feeling so much better.  Slowly, I am regaining the love for my bicycle. 

Several times in my life, I feel like I just start to do really well at something and get knocked down and have to start all over.  I have felt like it wasn’t my fault and it wasn’t fair.  Especially when I feel like I have to work 2 or 3 times harder than everyone else at anything athletic.  Reading this book in one evening made me remember that my beauty isn’t equated with speed on my bicycle or the scars on my body.  It’s inside…and I have to get some of that self-confidence back. 

So, why are you beautiful?  Because you are beautiful.  Here are some reasons I am beautiful:

-When my husband asked me why I was beautiful tonight, I said several years ago I wanted to become one of the most positive and enthusiastic people I knew.  When I feel good, I am.

-One woman wrote “on the days I don’t feel so beautiful, I call my mother.”  I love and appreciate my mother.  This makes me beautiful because I know some of the things she sacrificed and she went through that were really really scary. She is really really smart and always takes time to talk to me no matter the time or subject. 

-When I look at my neck and feel the scars on jawline from a dog bite, I think maybe God knew I could handle it and wasn’t incredibly vain.  Plus scars are cool.  The scars on my body have mapped my journey and the road hasn't always been the easiest.

-My hands are getting a little worn and tired but they show I have worked with my hands and enjoyed being dirty or covered in bike grease.

-When I think of the years, and I mean years, it took me to grow on my bicycle and I had to work really really hard for it.  Miles and miles of riding alone and with my cycling peeps made me appreciate how special it is and to appreciate the people who helped me.  I also have had the privilege of sharing that with others.

-I can say I made a mistake.

-I want to understand why people do things and am genuinely interested why.

-I have a long memory and can remember the smallest things people did to help me. Or when something reminds me of someone I love.

-I forget stuff like why I am mad at someone.  I also forget where I put stuff and can laugh at myself when I find them right in front of my face.

-When I am friends with someone then I am your friend until you make me so mad or hurt me so bad that I have to walk away but that takes a really long time.  I’m like a dog…faithful until you kick me one too many times.

-Usually if someone has wronged me and asks for forgiveness, I can forgive for the most part.

-I go to a therapist…not because I am crazy because I am human.  Someone once told me I was brave because to get through the bad stuff, you gotta go right back through the middle of them.  They were right.

-I can laugh at myself.

-Sometimes I carry the weight of other people’s burdens because I am empathetic. 

-Not being self-confident and not feeling good enough, I can appreciate those who are. I also can admit this is one of my main problems in life.  This doesn't sound beautiful but it is.  I can see the problem and try to face it and admit it out loud.

-While I may not agree with your opinion, I value your right to have it.  I have learned a lot from listening to other peoples’ opinions that I don’t agree with.

-I cry at sappy songs.  Song lyrics and quotes truly move me.  I know crying isn't a sign of weakness. I can see things other people can't in a photo.

-For the most part, I am a truly nice person.

Thank God for this book today because I was sinking in a sea of self-doubt and hatred.  So, I want you to go to your mirror and come up with five reasons you are beautiful and don’t say but.  Just be beautiful because you are.

Just enjoy the ride

Out I went on my bicycle again today.  It was a nice day and the path was great.  However, I kept thinking of my form and how I wasn't riding well.  Then I said to myself, my gosh, just enjoy the ride.  Enjoy the weather, it's not 100+ with 100% humidity, the bike path is shaded, paved and gorgeous, look at the scenery, be thankful.  It helped some but I was still over critical but the ride was so much better than the ride before and it went into the double digits...not by much.  I had a great cool down walk with the two puppies I am dog sitting.  Not too stiff and we'll see how it is tomorrow.  Things are looking way UP!!!

Back in the saddle again...

Sorry couldn't resist the country pun...yes, I rode my bicycle yesterday.  It was short, it was too embarrassing to say how far or the pace but I went.  This journey may be one of the longest in my life.

Maybe it was supposed to suck because then I would never get in this bad of shape again.  Maybe I expected too much out of myself.  Maybe I was too hard on myself.  Who knows?

So, I went after we watched the prologue of the Tour De France.  Inspired, maybe?  I went is the whole point and you have to start somewhere.  I'm really out of shape.  My bum doesn't have its normal toughness.  I came home in tears.  What can you do?  Try harder tomorrow.  Go a half mile more or a mile more tomorrow. Just keep going.  Like Teddy Roosevelt said "when you're going through hell, keep going."

Here's what I learned...consistency is key, don't have unreasonable expectations, don't be so critical of yourself, and no one is going to do for you. You can sit around feeling sorry for yourself or you can go out and do it.  You can still b**** about it but at least you went. 

So, hang around for the journey...it might be long but it will be interesting.

There will always be another Monday...

There will always be another Monday…                               Monday, June 25, 2012

So last October, I took a tumble off my bike. Okay, if you know me at all, know I don’t do anything half-ass…I shattered the top part of my distal radius.  For people like me, it’s the top part of your wrist.  I also broke another bone on the other side of the wrist.  Now, Ironman might actually be true because I have a metal plate and seven screws in my wrist. It’s a pretty awesome scar. 

To most folks, they would pick themselves dust themselves off and try again. Me…not so much.  For 2009, 2010 and 2011, I had tried to ride 10,000 miles.  On October 6, 2011, I was at about 7800 miles and on day 5 of a week-long cycling trip.  My favorite week of the year is what I normally call it.  Cycle North Carolina has been my tradition for the past five years.  I love it!  Even before the tumble, I wasn’t really having fun.  It had nothing to do with the company, the route, the ride, the wine (what could be wrong with wine), or anything.  Cycling had become work.  I was angry for so many things.  My husband should have been home from a year-long tour in Korea on October 6, 2011.  His tour was extended.  We would be moving to Germany in January and had to sell our home that literally had my blood, sweat and tears in it.  He would return for three weeks in November and then off to school for three weeks and back home for less than a month before we moved.  My new bike, though I love it, wasn’t quite right.  I was going to have to leave my friends of almost ten years that had become my support system and my family from love.  I probably wouldn’t be able to see my family before I left.  I was working from sun up to sun down to try and get our house ready to sell.  I was riding well but I felt like our club rides had become about speed and the hell with anyone else.  That’s not what the club had worked so hard for in the past.  So, even though I was riding well, it was never good enough.  After three weeks off the bike, I slowly started riding again on a flat bar bike in my neighborhood and eventually made it back to riding and rode 8,000 miles for the year.  Most people would be thrilled with that number but missing the 10K mark was just another failure to me. 

So, we moved…well, I should say I extended my stay for about 2 weeks to finish getting our house ready to sell.  I literally was working like a one-armed paper hanger to do it.  I was painting bathrooms when I was still in my cast.  I was filthy in the yard and just let me tell you…don’t do that, it was so itchy!!!  Thank God for friends because I would have never got it done.  Well, it still wasn’t completely done but our realtor and friends were amazing!!  So, on February 1, I get on the plane and got bumped to business class for the long flight. My bike was in tow and I didn’t have to pay for it.  I was going to see my husband and actually live with him for more than two months out of the year, which I hadn’t done in almost eight years. What could go wrong?

In Germany, in February…it’s really cold!  I don’t mean throw on your booties, handwarmers, toewarmers and go cold…I mean for a week it did not go over freezing.  I am from Texas, have lived in North Carolina for the past ten years…I HATE riding in the cold.  It makes all those tumbles and falls hurt so much worse.  Still, when it got to about 40, I would go for short rides.  The bike paths are so awesome here.  Soon, even that became a struggle.  Soon, I hadn’t worked out in three weeks, a month, and I didn’t want to.  My breathing started to become labored going upstairs and when I would stand up I would be dizzy. My shoulder hurt so bad that I had panic attacks on a regular basis.  I went to the doctor, the therapist, the physical therapist, the social worker…I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing but I wasn’t getting better.  Honestly, I told my husband that they should take my six Ironman medals back and I shouldn’t even be able to have my tattoo.  I felt like that had happened to a different person.  Luckily, they can’t do that.  Oh, I am sure I have used performance-enhancing drugs, too.  You know like Motrin, Perocet, caffeine, salt tabs, and whatever else might help.  I thought I was going crazy.  I mean literally, not figuratively because I already there figuratively.  To me, my prognosis was not promising. 

In May, I went in to my primary care doctor.  I went to the therapist directly after and she said I looked awfully pale.  I just thought it was because I hadn’t been riding and getting tan.  My husband works across the parking lot from the hospital so we had lunch in the dining facility and as we were finishing up, the assistant comes running in and politely asks, “Mrs. Doyle, could you please go back to the lab and have them rerun your blood work?”  I did and headed home.  After I got home, I got in the shower and as I was getting out, the phone was ringing.  It was the doctor’s assistant.  She said the words everyone hopes to never hear…Mrs. Doyle, can you come back in, the doctor needs to talk to you?  Okay, I thought this is it, I have cancer, I am gonna die.  My husband doesn’t answer his cell phone and I start to go a little crazy.  About five minutes later, she calls back with the doctor on the line.  The doctor explains that my hemoglobin levels were at 6.6 when they were at 12 in January.  I need to have a blood transfusion.  I need to go now.  There is bleeding somewhere in my system.  Our post is closing in the next few years so the nearest proper hospital is Landstuhl, which is about an hour away.  Landstuhl is where they send the troops injured overseas.  This is probably the top trauma Army hospital.  So, my husband gets home, we go to Landstuhl and check in.  By then, the hemoglobin level had dropped to 5.6.  That night they gave me two units of blood.  I stayed in the hospital over the weekend and had a procedure on Monday that found I had several small peptic ulcers, which causing the bleeding.  You see, when I broke my wrist, they found I had osteopenia probably caused by my heartburn medication that I had take forever.  This is why the bone shattered.  So, they changed the meds and when I got to Germany I went on a daily NSAID.  Peptic ulcers are usually caused by, drum roll please, NSAIDs.   So, they put me back on the regular medication and lots of calcium.  After this, I started slowly to feel better.  I was attempting to exercise twice a week and two weeks ago, I even went to the gym.  Finally, things seemed to be turning around. BRRRAAAKKKEEE…

Last Sunday, I started to feel bad.  Monday, I could barely get down the stairs and was very nauseated.  Tuesday, I couldn’t eat anything and I had horrible diarrhea.  Of course, my husband was TDY when this happens.  I can’t go to the store because I can’t walk down my short flight of stairs without grasping the bars.  I have the flu.  The last time I had the flu was the day the Space Shuttle Discovery crashed.  I don’t get a flu shot because I haven’t had the flu since then…Wednesday things seem to feel a little better.  Thursday I was so sick again.  Friday, I go to the doctor and he tells me I have the flu but he will run my blood levels just in case.  My blood levels had dropped from 9.1 to 8.2 but normally a transfusion isn’t done until the level is at 8.  The reason it probably dropped because I can’t eat.  I can’t tolerate the iron I normally take because it makes me sick.  It doesn’t last long in my system anyway.  In normal fashion, I start to beat the crap out of myself again and having a pity party.  I really was mad because it just didn’t seem fair that things always happen to me (lost the job I loved, dog attack, broken wrist, moving, low iron, the flu-nothing half-ass ever) and other people seem to just bounce back and I can’t seem to.  I’m fat, flabby, unemployed and I can’t get motivated for any reason.  I think if the house were on fire, I probably wouldn’t run.  I never wanted to be fat again.  I fought with my husband and think he’s a jerk sometimes.  Finally, last night, I realized that the only person that can change all of this is me.  I can walk around like I have been for the past six months…mad at God and the world, sad, and depressed or I can fix it.  It’s no one else’s fault these things happened.  Sometimes stuff just happens.  When I woke up this morning, I remember something someone once said to me about getting back on the wagon, there’s always gonna be another Monday.  What she meant was we often say “starting Monday, I’m going to the gym every day and eating right”, etc, etc. but we can start right now. It just happens to be another Monday.  Why am I telling you all of this?  Because I want you to come on my journey (and yours, too) of pulling ourselves out of the dumps or whatever.  People feel this way all the time but they never say it out loud.  I am always afraid people will think I am weak and I don’t want that.  So, here I am…I’ll say it out loud.  I’ll take the ridicule and rude comments – I got big shoulders.  Just so you know I won’t like it but I’ll take it because we need to stop trying to be SuperWoman or SuperMan and start being ourselves.  So, come along on this journey back to the road less traveled…the more, the merrier.  The road will be bumpy and dark sometimes but we can make it if we try.

A philosopher?!?

So, especially when I have had lots of wine, I fancy myself a philosopher…okay, it’s a LOT of wine…anyway, this evening, having some yummy NC wine, I came up with this thought…we think the things that matter are the ones we can see and a value on but really the things that matter are the small things that no one can see and put a value on...  The smell of your husband when you open his car even when he has been gone over a year, the feel of a hug from a true friend, your Mom’s unconditional love, your sister’s love when she covers you up and straightens your socks in a hospital bed, a text from someone unexpected, a phone call, the feel of your bicycle when you have had the best ride (inside and out)  and the list goes on and on.  Same story folks…value your loved ones because in a split second they can be gone.  Take the time when it happens to really treasure the smell, feel, sounds, etc.  Because in the years to come…those are the things that really matter.

Back again...

Sometimes my brain goes a little off and takes a break from my blog and real life...it's part of my charm. 

The past few weeks have been especially frustrating.  Riding my bike causes some pain every time I ride and that is frustrating.  Somehow, I had my biggest mileage week of the year last week.

Truly, I have never considered myself an athlete.  Even through 6 IM races, I still never thought of myself as an athlete.  And I am not sure I do today but one thing I do consider myself is a cyclist.  I'm not fast, I'm not great at it but it is what I am.  I don't limit myself to this but in athletic terms it is what I am. Cycling has brought such joy to my life.  I have made some of my best friends through cycling.  I found out my Dad died while I was on my bike.  I have cried, smiled, laughed, angered and every other emotion I can think of while riding.  My friend, Pat, calls that bike therapy.  I have actually solved all the world's problems while riding...of course, I forget the solutions when I get home.  Another part of my charm, I guess.  Really, I am writing this to encourage readers to do what they love even though it hurts sometimes.  Because in the end, it is what you are. And if it makes you happy or you finish and feel a million times better then it was worth it.  This is not to say you won't ever have a bad day but those bad days make you appreciate the good ones even more.  So, pedal on friends, pedal on.

DMZ

4/30/2011 4:54 PM(5:54 AM 5/1/2011 Seoul, Korea time) As I write this, I am sitting in my husband’s apartment in Seoul, Korea. It’s early and somehow after almost a week my body is still on good ole USA time.

A few days ago, we visited the DMZ (Demilitarized Zone) and this really got me to thinking. Korea fought for decades to get their freedom from Japan. In 1945, they finally did! In 1950, South and North Korea engaged in an all-out civil war. They ARE still fighting this war and are the only country in the entire world that is divided currently. On the 38th parallel is where the country is divided. Along this there are huge barbed wire fences with armed guards and if you cross the 38th parallel, you will either be shocked or shot. This is truly a site to be seen. There are tunnels underground from North Korea that were literally made with dynamite and were intended to launch a full attack on Seoul. South Korea requires their young men to spend 23 months in the ROK Army (Republic of Korea) and North Korea requires their young men to spend almost 10 years in military service.

The DMZ is a 2 mile zone on each side of the 38th parallel. This is a buffer zone between the two sides. Now, we might just think this is a line…but this line divides families, friends, and people of the same country. Very few people are allowed to cross the 38th parallel and if and when they do, it is really restricted as to where they can go.

As we were lucky to see this area, it got me to thinking how lucky we are as Americans. Most of us have never seen any effects of a true war. We very rarely think of those who are fighting in a war and while we truly appreciate them, we can never know what that might be like. We take for granted that we can usually go and see our families and friends with little government restriction. We do not have to look at armed guards every day that are trained to shoot on site. We go about our daily business and dwell on what we think is important and dwell on injustices or something someone did or said to us. I am one who is very guilty of both these things. My own husband has fought in a war that I don’t even want to think about what he does while I am mad because my grass isn’t perfect or someone didn’t invite me to go on a bike ride. REALLY?!?! The DMZ really opened my eyes to how lucky we are all in the USA. Most of us were not alive when the last war was fought on US soil and we usually feel no effects (except rising gas costs which we complain about) so we have no idea what it is like to be in a country truly divided. We really don’t understand how lucky we are. We go about our business without any thought to people who have given their lives so we can go about our business without any thought.

In the Korean War alone, over 100,000 AMERICANS gave their lives to help ensure freedom for South Korea. What does this mean to us? We don’t live in Korea…but it ensures free trade from Korea (more products than you can imagine come from Korea) and an ally if we should come under attack. If you are in the military service, it could mean you might be stationed here and it ensures that Korean people treat you extremely kindly and are very friendly!

So, here’s what I can do about this…I can learn more about this war and appreciate those who gave their lives. I can share this knowledge with others. AND most importantly, I can stop to realize how lucky I am and how good my life is. I will probably keep complaining about my yard and bike rides. But I am going to try and keep it all in perspective and be thankful that I am an American and that God has afforded me opportunities that some people will never have. Here’s the challenge to you…can you do that? Stop! Think about how lucky we are and then be thankful for our lives as Americans and not complain about things that we are extremely lucky to have?!?! We have never really seen a true war and we can see anyone we want without government restriction. We do not have to be afraid of crossing from Texas into Oklahoma (or any other state) without being shot. We do not have to see armed guards daily and be separated by a 2 mile DMZ with nasty looking barbed wire…We can ride our bikes across the entire country if we wanted to!!!!

So, today, think about how lucky we are and be thankful! That’s what I am going to try and do!

More stuff you can actually use...

So, yesterday, I got in my April Century.  My friend, Lou, somehow convinced me to join UMCA - Ultra Marathon Cycling Association-Year Rounder Challenge (http://www.ultracycling.com/standings/umc.html)%20so so I have been trying to get a century a month.  Fortunately, they let you count a century over 90 miles because I ran out of daylight and my get-up and go-got up and went!  While I was riding, the front of my knee hurt like the dickens (and how bad does the dickens hurt??? hmmmmm....).  Now, I have made several changes to my bike so last night I went to actually look for a chart that would help me narrow it down.  I found one and it was very helpful and thought it might be worth sharing.  Now, do NOT take this in lieu of a professional fitting which you can get at a professional bicycle fitter/shop near you.  But here is a chart that may be helpful if you are trying to get dialed in or can't figure out what it could be at midnight...

 Directly From http://www.caree.org/bike101bikefit.htm

 

Troubleshooting Common Bike-Fit Problems

 

Symptom/Likely Cause /Solution

 

You’re always scooting forward on the seat /Stem may be too long so you pull yourself forward as you ride; saddle nose may be tipped down too much/Install a shorter stem; level saddle

 

You’re always scooting back on the seat /Stem may be too short so you feel cramped and push yourself back; saddle nose may be tipped back; saddle may be too far forward on the rails /Install a longer stem; level the seat and center it on the rails; move your seat back

Lower back hurts /Stem too low or too long; must strain back to reach bars; or seat may be too high, causing rocking when pedaling /Try raising the stem/handlebars; still hurts? try shorter stem; check and adjust seat height

 

Neck hurts /Stem too low; must crane neck to see/ Raise the stem/bars

 

Hands hurt /Stem too low; too much weight on hands; saddle may be pointed down /Raise the stem/bars; level saddle

 

Front of knee hurts /Seat too low and/or too far forward, straining knees /Raise seat; may need to move seat further back as well

 

Back of knee hurts /Seat too high, over-extending leg /Lower seat

 

Numb bum all the time /Too much weight on the seat; may need to slide back a little on the seat. /Try to sit such that you feel the weight on your sit bones rather than the front or center of your crotch Lower handlebar position; check seat height as it may be too high; May need to try another brand of shorts and or seat; lose weight

 

Achilles tendon hurts/ Pedaling too much on your toes; cleats too far forward on your shoes; feet may not be forward enough over the pedal /Keep the balls of your feet over the pedals when you’re pedaling; move cleats back.

 

Bad gas/ Eating too many energy bars /Ride at the back of the pack

 

Extra Bike-Fit Tips

•  How you ride has a lot to do with comfort, too. The number one problem for many cyclists is what I call the vulture riding position, because it resembles that animal’s posture. It’s what a cyclist looks like when he locks his elbows and raises his shoulders, a position even hard-core pedalers often develop. You’ll feel a lot better if you RELAX. Every few miles, shrug your shoulders and let them drop and keep those elbows bent.
• Never raise any bike part too high because it can lead to failure and a crash. Parts are usually marked with limit lines that, when exposed, indicate that the part is too high. Heed these markings.
• Once you’ve found the correct seat height, mark the seat post. Please do this before you travel. This way—if the post slips, or when you pack the bike for shipping—you’ll quickly be able to get it back in the right spot.
• Likewise, measure from the top of the saddle to the center of the pedal axle (put the pedal at the bottom of its stroke, down around six o’clock) and memorize and jot down the number where you can find it. It’ll come in handy if you have to set up another bike, say a rental or borrowed one.
• Early in the season you’re not as flexible and you’ll probably enjoy a higher handlebar position. As you ride more regularly, you’ll gain flexibility and may want to lower the bars to stretch out a bit more.
• Women often require additional changes such as narrower handlebars, shorter stems and easier to operate brake levers.

 

 

 

 

 

A post you can actually use-how to pack your bike bag

As I was repacking my bike bag to ride this morning, I thought of my dear friend, Ginger.  She taught me this valuable trick some time ago and while I would love to say I thought of it, I didn't!! However, it is extremely valuable and thought I would share it with you!

How to pack your bike bag that goes on your bike:

1. Gather your supplies.  I carry two tubes, two Co2s, two Co2 heads, 3 tire levers and an alien tool.  Why?  1) I have gotten two flats on one ride, 2) if a friend has a flat you have spare stuff, 3) if you have one flat and forget to reload your bag, you still have one set of repair supplies, 4) if you lose one Co2 head on the road, you still have an extra.

So, how do you get all this stuff in that little bag...here's Ginger's trick...take the tubes and wrap them in plastic wrap.  It gets all the air out and makes them smaller.  So, I actually hate plastic wrap so if that doesn't work, use aluminum foil.  You can still squeeze the tube together tight. It is not quite as effective but it will work in a pinch.  As you can see I have one in plastic wrap and one in aluminum foil. 

2. It depends on the size of your bag but usually putting the tubes at the bottom and a Co2 cartridge in the middle works for me.  Then work the rest of the goodies into the bag.  See, I have my tubes at the bottom, one Co2 on the bottom.  My alien tool, other Co2 and tire levers are on top.  You can't see this but there is a pocket on the inside of the flap and that's where one of the Co2 heads are and one is actually on Co2 cartridge to save a little more space. It might be a tight squeeze but you can do it now the tubes are much smaller!  Thanks again Ginger!  Do you really need all this stuff?  Maybe not the additional Co2 head but the rest I would take!

3. Yes, I really do have all this stuff in my bag and on my bike.  Stop me and I will show barring I don't have a flat and forget to repack it.  Not only do I have it on my bike, I have bottle holders on the back of my bike and my bag is tucked under that.  This is very useful also because in the summer, I go on long rides with few stops and I drink a ton of water/electrolytes. 

Now, go ride your bike! 

Opportunity...

The past year and a half I have had many struggles that made me wrestle with the meaning of life and the whys and whats???  Today, I was presented with an opportunity that at first I wasn't sure but then I thought "What a once in a lifetime opportunity!"  Before I reveal it, I am still in the discovery stage and working it out with my family.  However, I will say that I am honored that the person who asked me is someone who I like very much and have a ton of respect for.  This means this person trusts my ability.  I also am honored that the person that had the idea recommended me.  She is a person I feel that we are kindred spirits.  Don't ask why because I don't know.  Anyway, I am in the process of discussing it with my Doodle Bug and learning more about it. 

This made me think that it is true...all things happen for a reason.  I lost my job I loved last year and it literally broke my heart. I went from making $1000+ a month to making A LOT less.  My spirit was broken.  But today this made me think about what this has actually done for me.  Before Atticus died, I spent a lot of time with him.  I am able to go to Korea soon.  I may take this once in a lifetime opportunity.

So, before you are like me to say NO right off the bat, look at things as an opportunity and not as a problem....

Time flies when you are having fun.

Tomorrow is our 14th wedding anniversary.  Time flies when you are having fun!  So, I thought I would share 10 things I have learned from 14 years of marriage.
1) Be yourself.  If you are as lucky as I am, your spouse really does love you for you, no matter your flaws.
2) Learn how to be alone.  This sounds crazy.  My husband is often gone 9-10 months out of the year.  I have to be alone.  So, I try (and don't always succeed) to embrace that.
3) People shouldn't be able to have a $10,000+ wedding or any wedding until they have been married at least 5 years.  Why?  Really those are the years you figure out if you can be with that person forever!
4) Learn how to be self-supporting and how to call the mechanic, do 12 things at once, figure out how to get to work and get your car to the shop and somehow have time to ride your bicycle, etc, etc, I often say if I waited on a man to do something then I would be waiting til I was dead.  That sounds mean but it's not.  The more you are self-supporting and know how to do things, you will feel better and your significant other will feel better if they are called away. 
5) It's okay to love someone with your whole heart and just know that you are #1 in their life.  NO MATTER WHAT!  This is hard for me...sometimes I feel unimportant but my husband makes me feel like I am the most important thing in his life and every decision he makes is for us, not just him.
6) Get over the little stuff...when you are young and newly married, you often get all jacked up over stuff that doesn't really matter. 
7) It's okay to miss the way your husband/wife smells. Sometimes I will run across something that smells like my Doodle Bug and it is the best smell.
8) Love your in-laws.  These are the people who made your spouse who they are.  They, like you, only want the best for their child.  A lot of times, it has nothing to do with you.
9) Make sure your spouse always kiss you good night. I go to bed way earlier than my husband and every night he is here, he tucks me in and kisses me good night.  Even if you are mad at them, because that one kiss makes everything okay.  I even bought a sign that hangs close to my bed that says Kiss Me Good Night!
10) Despite popular opinion, walk away when you are mad.  This will benefit you and your spouse in many ways.  In our house, when we argue and walk away...our house is crazy clean.  Or I have rode my bicycle to China and back.   Really, I usually only stay really mad for an hour or so.  Then I am done with it.  So, embrace it, deal with it right away and move on.

Thanks for letting me share this.  Every marriage is different. I am thankful for having a husband who loves me for me.

Say what you need to say

Okay, if you didn't know this, John Mayer is absolutely my favorite artist.  I don't know if it is because he can play the s**t of a guitar or his lyrics. Probably the lyrics, I am lyric person and I think very deeply sometimes.  A therapist once told me that I carry others' baggage-whether I know them or not...anyhow, there is one song of John Mayer's I love but I don't listen to very often but tonight the vino won the battle between me and this song.  The song is Say.  If you saw the movie The Bucket List, you might understand.  Shortly before this was released, my Dad died from lung cancer and my mother warned me not to watch it but I did and somehow Jack Nicholson looked and acted like my Dad.  The details of that part of life are boring but would look good on Jerry Springer.  Say...it's hard to listen to because it says lots of things we don't want to hear.  So here it is in black and white...so please say what you need to say to those you love because you just never know.  We all hear that all the time.  But REALLY do it.  Trust me, you won't be sorry. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQtGqmi2O2U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tX4jBL29aic

Take all of your wasted honor,
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put 'em in quotations...

Walkin' like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moments
Knowin' you'd be better off instead
If You Could Only SAY what you need to say...

This is the hardest lyric for me because sometimes I can see my Dad's eyes closing even though I wasn't there and often my faith is broken...
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open, wide...

People!  Put the BS behind you because the person you care about the most might not be here tomorrow. If you have never had someone close to you die, you might not have any idea but those who have, they do know.  Don't waste one second. We all do it but really really really try to do better.  I will and I hope you will too.   Cause, "You better know that in the end, it's better to say too much then to never say what you need to say again."

You know how you say, we need to plan to get together again, but never do.

Today, my Mom sent me an email about one of her former co-workers, Ruffin.  He passed yesterday and she wrote me this today about him, "You know how you say, we need to plan to get together again, but never do."  Ruffin was a kind, gentle man in my mind and I think my parents are really sad about his passing.

So, this got me to thinking about what she said, "You know how you say, we need to plan to get together again, but never do."  When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend, John K., whose Mom passed while we were dating and this actually taught me a lot.  It taught me to always say I love you and get together when you should.  So, I have always tried to say I love you and get together when I could.  I have not always succeeded but I am human.  Today, we had a car wash and when I left I made Bob M. hug me and said "because you just never know"  and you don't.  So, hug the ones you love and get together with the folks you want to because you just never know.

What does this have to do with riding a bike?  Honestly, I don't know.  I can only think of saying we should ride and then don't and then what if something happened?  How would you feel?  So what if that person is faster, slower, etc, etc.  Life is short!  People are gone before you know it.  Maybe not just through death but moving or changing hobbies.  Who knows?  So, if you care about someone or want to ride, DO IT!!!!!!!!    You don't know and you might end up with regrets.  Don't do that. 

Besides the obvious, this thought makes me so sad.  My husband is active duty military.  While I am so proud of him for serving and giving up probably 5-7 years apart from his family (and people probably shooting at him), I know this means we will probably be moving within the year and this makes me so sad.  Sad because I have been blessed with lots of cycling friends that I may never see again.  Do they care? I hope so.  I care.  I have been inspired by lots of cycling friends that I may never say that to or see after I leave.  And like my Mom I say we will get together or stay in touch but I know that we probably won't.  Not out of some mean intention but life tends to get in the way.  Soon, we will have less memories of each other but then one day we will wish we shoulda, woulda, coulda and it's too late.   Don't do it folks.  Love the people you care about and do get together.  I am going to do my best to do that because it's important and I don't want to be a shoulda, woulda, coulda.  You don't do it either.  Life is short!

I believe in you.

My friend, Kathy, has breast cancer.  We have a long history together as she was pregnant with her son when my mom was pregnant with me.  So, it is safe to say she has known me my WHOLE life!  Kathy writes these wonderful letters and sends the best care packages and I have been fortunate enough to receive lots of them over many moons.  She and I went to every bar on a cruise boat one night on my mom's 50th birthday cruise!  She was at Ironman Florida.  This New Year's I was fortunate enough to spend time with her and Kenny in a beautiful place.  I am sure that my mother has told her many of my adventures.  She is probably one of the most wonderful people I have ever known.  She is kind, she is beautiful, she is always smiling and she is thoughtful.  When my Mom told me she had breast cancer, it was like one of my favorite aunts had been diagnosed.   We have had a lot of cancer over the years and the C word scares me to death.  My Dad died from lung cancer (quit smoking Folks!), my Mom had uterine cancer, my StepDad had prostate cancer, and although undiagnosed we think my Grandma had some type of cancer.  My friend, Alexa, had breast cancer and was still in remission when I met her years later.  My other friend, Ruth, had breast cancer when I worked with her at Holy Trinity.  To me, the thought of Kathy having breast cancer scared me to death.  Here is what I know...I know she is strong and she can do this.  However, I love to send cards so every so often I send her a card when I see a good one and today at Target, I saw one and it said:

I believe in mind over matter.

I believe in the human spirit to prevail.
I believe in miracles & blessings, both great & small.
I believe in possibilities.
I believe that hurdles in life are meant to be jumped over, not as something to stop us.
I believe in you.

This card about brought me to tears in the card aisle in Target.  Why?  (Well, I may have PMS) Because I do believe in all of these things and I do believe in Kathy.  Sometimes I wish someone would say that to me but I believe in Kathy and I just know all will be okay!  My Mom told me recently she was going through radiation and it wasn't going the best.  Radiation is poison.  Somehow it works but I don't know how a poison can work in your body.  I am sure I could Google it.  I remember meeting my Dad after he had radiation and it was not great.  I have been spared most of the bad stuff with cancer, I have seen a few hard times and I have no idea what that must be like.  But there are only a few people I know that are this strong and Kathy is one of them. 

But here is the point to you...I believe in you whoever you are and you should believe in yourself.  You can do whatever you set your mind to.  There will be hurdles but there will also be many miracles and blessings (big and small) and many possibilities.  Sometimes all you need to get to where ever you are going is for someone to believe in you. 

Wind is my frienemie!

Okay, I know it will be windy from March to May here.  It happens every year but I think I forget how much the wind can kick my booty.  Today, I rode with my cycling bud, Andrew, on his easy ride (notice I said his easy ride) and of course, I felt like we had a head wind on the way out.  The wind sometimes breaks your spirit and it did mine today.  But wind, like hills, are supposed to be our friends.  Sometimes they are and they make us stronger, etc, etc, etc. and they are your friend. But some days they just break you down and then they are your enemy.  So, that makes them our frienemies. 

The frienemie teaches us how to get through things we don't like and we are better on the other side of them.  But gosh, sometimes it hurts to go through them. So, I pushed through the wind and it wasn't easy but I know come summer time I will be thankful. 

"There is more to life than increasing its speed."

Every week I watch Hoarders and this actually makes me clean my house like a crazy person.  Hope I never get into a marathon... One result of this is that I keep several binders of articles I plan to use later.  So, this week when I was going through my articles to file, I found this quote, "There is more to life than increasing its speed." Mahatma Gandhi

Gosh, ain't that the truth?  We are always so busy trying to speed through life that I think we often lose sight of the true purpose of life.  We lose sight of what is really important. 

Recently, on several group bike rides, this has happened.  People want to speed through the ride to get done or go here or there...the heck with everyone else.  Now, I know some people can fly through a ride with no extra effort and I know some people can ride to China and back with little effort.  And maybe that is important to those people and that is fantastic.  But it is not important to all members of the group...there are some cyclists that ride their bikes to be social, to exercise and to have fun.  Now, this is only my opinion and really that and $4 can get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks...what is really and truly important to me are people that I care about and want to share the thing I love with.  Realistically, I know this is not important to everyone. 

As a spouse of a fella who spends 9-10 months out of the year somewhere else, I can tell you, without one iota of a doubt, that the seconds you spend with any person you care about are valuable.  We don't want to speed through it.  There is more to life than increasing its speed.  Trust me when I tell you that I would not speed through one second of the time I spend with the Doodle Bug.  And when he is gone, those are the seconds I wish I would have relished more.  I don't want to increase the speed of that because I want to enjoy the more part of this quote.

So, you think...REALLY???  These are just some people I ride with!  Really...These are people you spend the majority of your free time with.  These are the people who can truly understand your passion.  These are the people who will help you when you need it.  Now, are these people more important than your family?  I sure hope not!  But they are people who enjoy the same passion you have and the time you have with them should not be sped through.

Sure, I know people will argue this point and maybe they are right. What do I know? Everyone's idea of important things differs. Here is what I think and agree with Gandhi, "There is more to life than increasing its speed."


In reality, I know we all have different goals.  That is fantastic!  Go for them!  But don't forget about what is truly important and what not to speed through.  What is important to you?  Write it down and put it somewhere that will remind you of the important stuff and what not to speed through.

Forgiveness…

In my life, I have made a lot of mistakes that I truly regret. TD Jakes once said on unforgiveness…you can forgive someone but you don’t have to be their best friend. Hmmmm…does this mean you can ask for forgiveness and not have to be someone’s best friend? If you haven’t figured this out by now, I might try to act tough but most people really know I have a tender heart and I take things personally, get my feelings hurt easily and I do think about things I have done wrong to someone or something and make myself nuts about them. There are lots of mistakes I have made in my life that I am truly sorry for. Some I don’t care if the person knows that and some I do care if they know. Mistakes…everyone makes them and they hurt others (even if unintentionally). Without going into detail, I have let some people down and I am sorry. I don’t know how to approach that with these people but gosh, I sure hope they know that I know I made mistakes and I am truly sorry. You can never go back to where you were before but you can forgive. This is a difficult concept.

So, what does this have to do with riding your bicycle? Well…sometimes life is like riding a bicycle. You start out with a group and you work really hard to stay with this group. But you make some mistake and you lose the group or leave someone out there alone that doesn’t know their way. If you are still with the group and left someone out there alone that doesn’t know their way, that’s a mistake because that person trusted you. If you lose the group and have to find your way on your own and get lost, then that’s a problem too. What do you do in either situation? Hard to tell but in your heart you know the right thing and you have forgive that person and YOURSELF! At the end of the ride, did you leave feeling crappy or good? Now, some people don’t get it and never will. But most of us do get it. I have done both…made a mistake and lost the group AND left someone out there. For those things I am truly sorry.

Here is the positive to take away from that…we all make mistakes (I make them every single day). You have to forgive your own mistakes and the mistakes of others. Each mistake teaches you something – good or bad. Take the lesson. Sounds cliché, I know but oh, so true. Most importantly, know you made a mistake and apologize even if it is eons later. This takes a huge burden off you even if the person hates you forever. You did what you could and at the end of the day, sometimes that is really all you can do. One more thing, and listen to me here, forgive yourself. We are all human. If no one ever made a mistake, think of how boring things would be or how we would never know hard times to appreciate the good ones.

To the people I have wronged, I am sorry. I am sure whatever and whoever it is I could come up with a laundry list of excuses but all that matters is that I am sorry I hurt you and I will try to never lose the group or leave you out there alone again.

Last thing here…my Dad died 5 years ago April 2. The last time I saw him I was so mad at him but I will tell you that the one thing I take comfort in is that the very last thing I said to him (even if my anger) is I love you. I also wrote him a letter that I actually had to pay for with others but I will tell you that I am glad I said I love you and that I wrote that letter. I will also tell you that my sister later told me that my Dad said “I know she loves me” and I never doubted that he loved me. And that, my friends, is the greatest gift you can give others and yourself, know that you love and that you are loved. And Forgive…other people and yourself. Don’t lose your group or leave anyone out there alone.

Atticus

Honestly, I have put off posting on this blog because I wasn't sure if I could cry any more...I felt I might be all cried out.  On the evening of March 1, 2011, Atticus died.  His little heart just gave out, I think.  He was 16 years old.  This year I will be married for 14 years but for the better part of the past 9 years, I have spent more time with my cat than my husband.  Atticus was the best cat ever.  He snuggled, he knew when I was sad, mad, or whatever. He knew when I drank too much wine and cried because someone broke my heart.  Atticus and Matt would watch TV from 9 am to 2 am and be perfectly happy.  Atticus would come down when he heard the garage door open, when you opened a can, and when the saucers clanked. Still, I wait for him to come out. 

Atticus had a heart arythmia that was diagnosed several years ago.  The past 4-5 weeks he just wasn't himself.  I took him to the vet and we tried all sorts of medications, vitamins and different dosages.  Finally, he had a grand mal seizure and his little heart just couldn't go on.  My heart is broken into a million pieces.  I wept for many hours so much so that I am not sure if I have any more tears.  Now some folks say it's just a cat and maybe to you, it is just a cat.  I have no children and my husband is gone a lot.  Atticus was our kid.  He was always here and loved me despite or maybe in spite of my flaws. 

While my heart is broken, I know Atticus went peacefully and I was there.  I think of the line in Steel Magnolias, "M'Lynn: I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh god. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life." 

Now, I know this isn't as drastic but that's how I felt after I got past the weeping, I was there when he went, I wasn't there when he came in but I was there when he drifted out.  It was peaceful, the seizure had stopped, no noise, no tremble...just peace.  I petted him and petted him and told him we loved him and it was okay for him to go.  Since then, I had shoulda, woulda, coulda moments every minute but I do know that there was peace for Atticus.  No sickness, no pain, no missed heart beat, just peace.

I have rationalized it to death...how it would be selfish of me, how I did the right thing, how I know he is with Lizzy, Scout, and Red...etc, etc, etc.  Finally, I went online and found out that I am not crazy for missing my cat who has been with me for 16 years.  I am human and it will get easier.

Do I miss him?  Only every millisecond of every second of the hour of the day. 

Spinning Pop & Latin Mix

Okay, I love to teach spinning and I am from Texas.  I have been blessed to teach a few more classes this month and this will be one next week (if you are in my class, it's a preview).  So, I have been working on a Pop/Latin Mix for a few weeks and haven't quite nailed until tonight...and yes, thanks to AI and J.Lo, I was inspired to finish it.  Plus March 2 was Texas Independence Day from Mexico and May 5 is Cinco De Mayo!  I think it is pretty good for a little white girl who knows nothing about Latin...whatcha think?

Pop & Latin Mix

1. Dreaming of You by Selena
2. The Cup of Life by Ricky Martin
3. Conga by Miami Sound Machine
4. Not Myself Tonight by Christina Aguilera
5. Let’s Get Loud by Jennifer Lopez
6. I Need to Know by Marc Anthony
7. Hips Don’t Lie by Shakira
8. Livin’ La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin
9. Rhythm is Gonna Get You by Gloria Estefan
10. On the Floor by Jennifer Lopez with Pitbull
11. Hero by Enrique Iglesias