Strength

According to Dictionary.com, strength is "the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power; vigor." (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/strength?s=t).  When most people think of strength, they think of muscular strength...Tonight, I had the privilege of speaking with a person who is the very picture of strength.  

Many moons ago, I had the incredible privilege to ride with and meet my friend, Pat Blackman.  I like to call her "Persistent Pat."  Pat was almost always smiling and she just kept going, no matter what.  I love her because to me she was so strong and had strength that many people dream of having.  After meeting Pat, I was fortunate enough to meet her partner, Sherry.  Sherry always had a smile and a joke.  Pat and Sherry became part of my family.  If there was something going on, they were there and smiling.  They were at my Masters' graduation party, at my birthday/going away party or any other event.  I always expected if our C4 family was going to get together then they would be there.  Both of these women are incredible.  If not for Ms Pat and Ms Sherry, I am not sure that Ride Without Limits-NC ride would have made it.

My friend, Pat, died this year.  It was unexpected.  We moved to another country and my heart was broken because I could not be there.  Thankfully for my family from love, they shared it with me.  Pat had strength that people could not express in words.  She wasn't interested in winning or speed but getting to the end.  She had many obstacles to overcome when cycling but she did it with a smile.  Luckily, my friend, Leo, and I had the privilege of riding her first century with her.  My friend and Spinning mentor, Furman, and I were able to ride her first 60 miler with her.  She is/was truly amazing.  

Sherry took some of my very first Spinning classes and I had the ultimate privilege of getting to know her.  Sherry is another incredible woman.  She overcame more hurdles in a few years that most people don't go through in a lifetime.  

Pat and Sherry would have been together 20 years this coming January.  They loved each other and it was apparent.  

Tonight, I talked to Ms. Sherry.  Honestly, I will tell you that I probably put off calling Sherry because I wasn't sure I could handle Pat's death and my broken heart.  I was being selfish and wrong. Her strength after Pat's death is nothing short of AMAZING!  Words cannot express how strong she is.  Most people don't want to deal with normal bad stuff nevertheless death.  Sherry has done that.  She is still working on it but knows some days will be a struggle. But even more impressive is that she has the strength to admit that. I wish I could put into words her strength.  There aren't enough words.  Her strength makes me want to ride my bike a little further and be a little stronger mentally.  AND admit that sometimes you need a little help to get through the really crappy stuff.  

Riding my bicycle has brought me many joys but none ever so great as meeting people that can truly inspire you.  Thank GOD for that.  Folks, don't take that stuff for granted because some day it might just be gone.  Ms. Pat never got too big for her britches and was the first to volunteer or be there.  She helped so many riders become what they are today.  Appreciate it because a lady like Ms. Pat and Ms. Sherry don't come along very often, if at all.  I consider myself extremely lucky to have these wonderful women in my life... Ride on, my friends, ride on.

You are beautiful!

Tonight, I started reading “I am Beautiful.”  It is women saying how they are beautiful in their own words.  It is not at all a story of outer beauty but inner beauty.  There are wonderful photos of these women.  They have gone through tons of struggles and have the courage to see how beautiful they are.  It moved me. 

Last year, I thought I was beautiful for one of the first times in my life.  Somehow, I think I was equating that beauty with speed on the bicycle.  Slowly, I started to lose that speed and almost lost the love of my bicycle.  I couldn’t understand why this was happening and somehow I began to feel very ugly. In fact, on Saturday night, I said to my husband  in tears, “I’m so ugly.”  I am angry at getting knocked down after working literally years to build up ability on my bicycle and right now that is all I have that is mine. Today, I was so angry over something that didn’t really matter.  I also rode further than I have since February.  I had a wonderful ride.  I felt good and didn’t look at the computer every minute to see my speed.  It didn’t matter.  I took this anger out on my bicycle and I ended up feeling so much better.  Slowly, I am regaining the love for my bicycle. 

Several times in my life, I feel like I just start to do really well at something and get knocked down and have to start all over.  I have felt like it wasn’t my fault and it wasn’t fair.  Especially when I feel like I have to work 2 or 3 times harder than everyone else at anything athletic.  Reading this book in one evening made me remember that my beauty isn’t equated with speed on my bicycle or the scars on my body.  It’s inside…and I have to get some of that self-confidence back. 

So, why are you beautiful?  Because you are beautiful.  Here are some reasons I am beautiful:

-When my husband asked me why I was beautiful tonight, I said several years ago I wanted to become one of the most positive and enthusiastic people I knew.  When I feel good, I am.

-One woman wrote “on the days I don’t feel so beautiful, I call my mother.”  I love and appreciate my mother.  This makes me beautiful because I know some of the things she sacrificed and she went through that were really really scary. She is really really smart and always takes time to talk to me no matter the time or subject. 

-When I look at my neck and feel the scars on jawline from a dog bite, I think maybe God knew I could handle it and wasn’t incredibly vain.  Plus scars are cool.  The scars on my body have mapped my journey and the road hasn't always been the easiest.

-My hands are getting a little worn and tired but they show I have worked with my hands and enjoyed being dirty or covered in bike grease.

-When I think of the years, and I mean years, it took me to grow on my bicycle and I had to work really really hard for it.  Miles and miles of riding alone and with my cycling peeps made me appreciate how special it is and to appreciate the people who helped me.  I also have had the privilege of sharing that with others.

-I can say I made a mistake.

-I want to understand why people do things and am genuinely interested why.

-I have a long memory and can remember the smallest things people did to help me. Or when something reminds me of someone I love.

-I forget stuff like why I am mad at someone.  I also forget where I put stuff and can laugh at myself when I find them right in front of my face.

-When I am friends with someone then I am your friend until you make me so mad or hurt me so bad that I have to walk away but that takes a really long time.  I’m like a dog…faithful until you kick me one too many times.

-Usually if someone has wronged me and asks for forgiveness, I can forgive for the most part.

-I go to a therapist…not because I am crazy because I am human.  Someone once told me I was brave because to get through the bad stuff, you gotta go right back through the middle of them.  They were right.

-I can laugh at myself.

-Sometimes I carry the weight of other people’s burdens because I am empathetic. 

-Not being self-confident and not feeling good enough, I can appreciate those who are. I also can admit this is one of my main problems in life.  This doesn't sound beautiful but it is.  I can see the problem and try to face it and admit it out loud.

-While I may not agree with your opinion, I value your right to have it.  I have learned a lot from listening to other peoples’ opinions that I don’t agree with.

-I cry at sappy songs.  Song lyrics and quotes truly move me.  I know crying isn't a sign of weakness. I can see things other people can't in a photo.

-For the most part, I am a truly nice person.

Thank God for this book today because I was sinking in a sea of self-doubt and hatred.  So, I want you to go to your mirror and come up with five reasons you are beautiful and don’t say but.  Just be beautiful because you are.