Finished a great ride with my buds, Hal and Leo, this afternoon. I got over 45 miles in and tried to stay in a low heart rate zone. I also got my weights and yoga in today. I feel great today and am still so hopeful for a PR at IM Louisville. I need to really get working on the hills and hopefully I can get stronger without killing myself! I also need to get working on my running.
On my email signature, I have the folllowing quote:
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt
Honestly, I have spent a lot of my life afraid of things. Eleanor Roosevelt is right...every time I do something that I am afraid of, I get stronger. I must do the thing which you think you cannot do. What is that? PR at Louisville in the rolling hills, get my doctorate degree, become a full professor at an university...what else? Who knows! Thankfully, my parents have never told me I could not do anything...yes, they worry, but they never say I cannot do things. I think it is okay to be scared sometimes because then you have a healthy respect for whatever it is.
Have I ever looked fear in the face? Yes...I do not need to elaborate but I have looked it in the face and sometimes it wins and sometimes I win. I wish often that I was stronger but each experience gives me something I need to get stronger. What have you done to look fear in the face? It might be as simple as walking into a restaurant and eating alone but whatever you fear, facing it only makes you stronger. Are there things I purposely avoid? Absolutely and I know I need to face them and I am scared to death. One step forward is a step in the right direction.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Does yard work count as a workout?
Just came in from 3 hours of mowing, weedwacking, edging and blowing my yard...it should count as a workout! Overslept and missed my ride with my Thursday ride date! BUMMER! It worked out okay because he left late and we would have missed each other. Hope to get a ride in this afternoon with our club. Hope to lift weights either this afternoon or this evening and maybe a run. Would have loved to have gone to the outside pool today but yard work won out, especially since my grass was almost knee high.
If you know me, you know I always worry about being slow. I got this in my email today from SparkPoints and wanted to share it with all of you.
I am a slow walker, but I never walk backwards.- Abraham Lincoln, U.S. President
Taking two steps forward...Slow and steady has not always been an inspiring concept. It's not as sexy as speed and sharp turns of direction. But it may be just the thing to keep you from running out of gas, while still moving you forward. Abe is telling us that the most important thing is to keep walking forward, no matter how slowly. Sometimes slowness can be frustrating. You might become impatient; you might get discouraged with a setback. But a setback doesn't have to set you back. Simply using it as a learning opportunity can leapfrog you ahead again. From now on, try paying attention more to your direction and less to your speed. Be patient, focus on a little bit at a time, and soon enough, you'll be further than you ever thought. Besides, it's a good bet that by always looking forward, Abe rarely looked back in regret.
If you know me, you know I always worry about being slow. I got this in my email today from SparkPoints and wanted to share it with all of you.
I am a slow walker, but I never walk backwards.- Abraham Lincoln, U.S. President
Taking two steps forward...Slow and steady has not always been an inspiring concept. It's not as sexy as speed and sharp turns of direction. But it may be just the thing to keep you from running out of gas, while still moving you forward. Abe is telling us that the most important thing is to keep walking forward, no matter how slowly. Sometimes slowness can be frustrating. You might become impatient; you might get discouraged with a setback. But a setback doesn't have to set you back. Simply using it as a learning opportunity can leapfrog you ahead again. From now on, try paying attention more to your direction and less to your speed. Be patient, focus on a little bit at a time, and soon enough, you'll be further than you ever thought. Besides, it's a good bet that by always looking forward, Abe rarely looked back in regret.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Long Brick Already...
Last week did not work out the way I planned (as usual)...
Thursday-swim 2250, run 6.62, bike 33.31 with my bud, Hal!
Friday-weights and swim 2800
Saturday-the double century that wasn't...63.98 miles...called because of weather...bummer!
Monday-3 mile run and drill swims
Tuesday-Brick: 81 mile ride and run 3.11 miles, weights
Today I rode with one of my favorite ride pals, Pat, and young Justin. We might have taken Justin on his longest ride yet. It was a good ride and while I wasn't the fastest, I rode well and got a long ride in. My chain dropped off 4 times and that distressed me quite a bit but I will take it to my favorite mechanic, Hal, and get it figured out. It was warm and the run was not the greatest but I know it will be HOT in Louisville so I best get used to it!
Not crazy about my weight but I am working on it! My thighs are huge and look terrible because I have the typical cyclists' tan (tan to where the cycling shorts and tops hit and then WHITE)...but I plan to work on that this weekend at the beach with my Doodlebug! Of course, I will look crazy but I hope to even it out. I think my fat looks better tan. ;)
Plan for rest of week:
Wednesday-teach 3 spin classes, swim and possibly run
Thursday-run, bike, weights (swim maybe)
Friday-swim and run and then spinning for dollars downtown after work
Saturday -bike and then head to the BEACH for the weekend...
Sunday-long run if I do not get it in any other time
Trying to get in 250 miles on the bike this week and the rest of the summer. I hope to get 7500 miles this year and I am FAR behind but I have the whole summer left! Luckily we have good weather until late in the year so I can ride like crazy. Don't think I will make my running goal unless I run like a crazy person the rest of the year but I do think I can make the cycling goal...
Thursday-swim 2250, run 6.62, bike 33.31 with my bud, Hal!
Friday-weights and swim 2800
Saturday-the double century that wasn't...63.98 miles...called because of weather...bummer!
Monday-3 mile run and drill swims
Tuesday-Brick: 81 mile ride and run 3.11 miles, weights
Today I rode with one of my favorite ride pals, Pat, and young Justin. We might have taken Justin on his longest ride yet. It was a good ride and while I wasn't the fastest, I rode well and got a long ride in. My chain dropped off 4 times and that distressed me quite a bit but I will take it to my favorite mechanic, Hal, and get it figured out. It was warm and the run was not the greatest but I know it will be HOT in Louisville so I best get used to it!
Not crazy about my weight but I am working on it! My thighs are huge and look terrible because I have the typical cyclists' tan (tan to where the cycling shorts and tops hit and then WHITE)...but I plan to work on that this weekend at the beach with my Doodlebug! Of course, I will look crazy but I hope to even it out. I think my fat looks better tan. ;)
Plan for rest of week:
Wednesday-teach 3 spin classes, swim and possibly run
Thursday-run, bike, weights (swim maybe)
Friday-swim and run and then spinning for dollars downtown after work
Saturday -bike and then head to the BEACH for the weekend...
Sunday-long run if I do not get it in any other time
Trying to get in 250 miles on the bike this week and the rest of the summer. I hope to get 7500 miles this year and I am FAR behind but I have the whole summer left! Luckily we have good weather until late in the year so I can ride like crazy. Don't think I will make my running goal unless I run like a crazy person the rest of the year but I do think I can make the cycling goal...
Thursday, June 19, 2008
This week so far!!!!
Monday-swim and run, 1 spin class
Tuesday-bike
Wednesday-run, 2 spin classes, weights
Thurday-run, swim and bike
Can't seem to get the long run in...hope to split it today.
Tuesday-bike
Wednesday-run, 2 spin classes, weights
Thurday-run, swim and bike
Can't seem to get the long run in...hope to split it today.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
So, last week did not turn out the way I planned at all. Thursday, after I got a massage, I felt sick so I did not ride my bike. However, I did get a brand new JEEP! I have always wanted a Jeep!
Friday, I ran the 10 miler and did much better than I thought I would. Then, I went to the gym and lifted weights.
Saturday, attack of the shoulder pain and slept practically all day. I do not know if this is because I am physically tired or mentally tired. Whichever, I did not get to sleep until 4 am from shoulder pain and I woke up at noon. I took a nap from about 2 pm to 5 pm and then went to bed between 10 and 11 pm.
Sunday, nothing.
Monday-ran a 30 minute tempo run, swam and taught spinning.
Today's plan - 2:15 run, bike, and weights. My regular yoga will have to wait because I have to work today.
Wednesday-Teach 3 spin classes and swim. I might do yoga this day because I am off.
Thursday-ride, run, weights and maybe yoga
Friday-swim
Saturday-I hope to do a double century. I have wanted to do this for several years but have never gotten the chance. I sure hope my new saddle comes in.
Sunday-BEACH!!!!
Why do I let people get me down? Why do I believe what they say? Why am I up at 3 am worrying about the insults hurled at me on a daily basis? Daily at work, I regularly get insulted. I know these things are not true but they still hurt. After reading a book about trying to be assertive and not aggressive, I am not sure what to do. Normally, I let it roll off my back but lately it is overwhelming. If I go off then I am passive aggressive. If I do nothing, I am passive. I am not sure how to handle this situation at all without getting upset. I do not think there is a winner here, only losers. After watching Joel Osteen, I tried to go to work and build people up but it is very hard when they keep pushing you down. Of course, I know I allow them to push me down. I sure wish I was teaching over the summer. I used to love my job at the bike shop because I had such a good time there. I really wanted to work in the shop and learn how to repair bicycles but I am not allowed to do that anymore. Now, I get to work on the sales floor and I am a terrible salesperson. Either place the insults come fast and furious so it doesn't really matter. If I can make it through the summer and get back to teaching, maybe I would not have to work there except for teaching spinning.
On top of this, the scale and I are having an argument and the scale is winning. Why is it that I cannot lose any more weight? I know I do not always make the right food choices but I make better ones than most people. I feel like a whale and I guess my three days off last week did not help at all. I need something to bust through this plateau. I keep gaining a pound, losing it, gaining two more, losing one. SO FRUSTRATING!
Another Monday thing, I took my husband's car to get the vinyl repaired. First, I must tell you I have an abnormal fear of taking the car to the shop. I always feel like I am going to get ripped off and it almost sends me into a panic attack. So, I get there to pick it up and the car won't turn over. The guy got it to start but I was afraid it would not start after spin class so I drove all the way home and got the Jeep and went back to work. When I went to South Carolina once, every time I turned the car off it would not start again so I was afraid of this again. Thank goodness for AAA. Anyway, when I got home it turned over just fine and when I got home for the evening, I tried it again and it was just fine. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Mondays suck! The positive in all of this is that the guy didn't not charge me nearly as much as I thought it would be and I got the vinyl fixed in the car. This was part of my husband's belated birthday gift!
On a good note, I am going to UNC-G soon to talk about starting my doctorate degree. I am so excited and nervous all at the same time. I really hope to become a full professor one day and I know this is the way to do that. I probably won't start classes until next fall but every step is a step in the right direction. Hopefully, I can apply and get an internship and get some more great experience. Right now, I feel sort of stuck because I really want to teach more but I am limited to adjunct faculty because I only have a Masters degree. However, I am getting a lot of good experience and am trying to learn from my rookie mistakes. I am very thankful that I got a teaching position (even though adjunct) right after getting my Masters! Thank you God! It is really a Godsend. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and after teaching (even with all my mistakes and the kids), I knew that is what I wanted to do. Again, thank you God!
Well, the week has to improve. My husband told me that if I was having a bad day to hop in my Jeep...it works! Automatically, I had a smile on my face and felt quite happy. I still cannot believe it is mine. I had my little pickup truck for 12 years (and we still have it) so I haven't had a new car in a long time! My whole life I wanted a Jeep. Most people want fancy and expensive cars for their dream cars and I just wanted a Jeep! Now, I have one! Thanks be to God!
Friday, I ran the 10 miler and did much better than I thought I would. Then, I went to the gym and lifted weights.
Saturday, attack of the shoulder pain and slept practically all day. I do not know if this is because I am physically tired or mentally tired. Whichever, I did not get to sleep until 4 am from shoulder pain and I woke up at noon. I took a nap from about 2 pm to 5 pm and then went to bed between 10 and 11 pm.
Sunday, nothing.
Monday-ran a 30 minute tempo run, swam and taught spinning.
Today's plan - 2:15 run, bike, and weights. My regular yoga will have to wait because I have to work today.
Wednesday-Teach 3 spin classes and swim. I might do yoga this day because I am off.
Thursday-ride, run, weights and maybe yoga
Friday-swim
Saturday-I hope to do a double century. I have wanted to do this for several years but have never gotten the chance. I sure hope my new saddle comes in.
Sunday-BEACH!!!!
Why do I let people get me down? Why do I believe what they say? Why am I up at 3 am worrying about the insults hurled at me on a daily basis? Daily at work, I regularly get insulted. I know these things are not true but they still hurt. After reading a book about trying to be assertive and not aggressive, I am not sure what to do. Normally, I let it roll off my back but lately it is overwhelming. If I go off then I am passive aggressive. If I do nothing, I am passive. I am not sure how to handle this situation at all without getting upset. I do not think there is a winner here, only losers. After watching Joel Osteen, I tried to go to work and build people up but it is very hard when they keep pushing you down. Of course, I know I allow them to push me down. I sure wish I was teaching over the summer. I used to love my job at the bike shop because I had such a good time there. I really wanted to work in the shop and learn how to repair bicycles but I am not allowed to do that anymore. Now, I get to work on the sales floor and I am a terrible salesperson. Either place the insults come fast and furious so it doesn't really matter. If I can make it through the summer and get back to teaching, maybe I would not have to work there except for teaching spinning.
On top of this, the scale and I are having an argument and the scale is winning. Why is it that I cannot lose any more weight? I know I do not always make the right food choices but I make better ones than most people. I feel like a whale and I guess my three days off last week did not help at all. I need something to bust through this plateau. I keep gaining a pound, losing it, gaining two more, losing one. SO FRUSTRATING!
Another Monday thing, I took my husband's car to get the vinyl repaired. First, I must tell you I have an abnormal fear of taking the car to the shop. I always feel like I am going to get ripped off and it almost sends me into a panic attack. So, I get there to pick it up and the car won't turn over. The guy got it to start but I was afraid it would not start after spin class so I drove all the way home and got the Jeep and went back to work. When I went to South Carolina once, every time I turned the car off it would not start again so I was afraid of this again. Thank goodness for AAA. Anyway, when I got home it turned over just fine and when I got home for the evening, I tried it again and it was just fine. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Mondays suck! The positive in all of this is that the guy didn't not charge me nearly as much as I thought it would be and I got the vinyl fixed in the car. This was part of my husband's belated birthday gift!
On a good note, I am going to UNC-G soon to talk about starting my doctorate degree. I am so excited and nervous all at the same time. I really hope to become a full professor one day and I know this is the way to do that. I probably won't start classes until next fall but every step is a step in the right direction. Hopefully, I can apply and get an internship and get some more great experience. Right now, I feel sort of stuck because I really want to teach more but I am limited to adjunct faculty because I only have a Masters degree. However, I am getting a lot of good experience and am trying to learn from my rookie mistakes. I am very thankful that I got a teaching position (even though adjunct) right after getting my Masters! Thank you God! It is really a Godsend. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and after teaching (even with all my mistakes and the kids), I knew that is what I wanted to do. Again, thank you God!
Well, the week has to improve. My husband told me that if I was having a bad day to hop in my Jeep...it works! Automatically, I had a smile on my face and felt quite happy. I still cannot believe it is mine. I had my little pickup truck for 12 years (and we still have it) so I haven't had a new car in a long time! My whole life I wanted a Jeep. Most people want fancy and expensive cars for their dream cars and I just wanted a Jeep! Now, I have one! Thanks be to God!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Rest Week Swim Time Trial and other musings...
After teaching my first spin class this morning, I went over to the gym and did 1500 yards and 1000 was a time trial. My last time trial was 19:47 and today was 20:07...don't know what happened but I did feel slugish in the water. Oh well, it is okay to have an off day every now and then.
Yesterday, I missed my weights and run so I will squeeze those in today between spinning, work and more spinning. Luckily the run is only 20 minutes. Thank goodness for rest weeks.
Feel like a whale today. I looked at my thighs in my swimsuit and not only do they look ridiculous because half of them are white from cycling shorts but they are cottage cheesish...yuck. I know the answer is to run and cycle more than I have been doing. I really have to get out there more. I probably need to change up my weight workout too. Back to Muscle and Fitness Hers to find a new workout. I did not weigh today but back to my regular weigh in tomorrow. I have decided to make one small change in my eating every day. So today, I am vowing to get my 5 fruits/veggies.
Yesterday, I missed my weights and run so I will squeeze those in today between spinning, work and more spinning. Luckily the run is only 20 minutes. Thank goodness for rest weeks.
Feel like a whale today. I looked at my thighs in my swimsuit and not only do they look ridiculous because half of them are white from cycling shorts but they are cottage cheesish...yuck. I know the answer is to run and cycle more than I have been doing. I really have to get out there more. I probably need to change up my weight workout too. Back to Muscle and Fitness Hers to find a new workout. I did not weigh today but back to my regular weigh in tomorrow. I have decided to make one small change in my eating every day. So today, I am vowing to get my 5 fruits/veggies.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Tuesdays do not seem to start well for me...again
Tuesday, I was supposed to get up at 4:30 am and run for 40 minutes...as I turned off the alarm clock, I realized that this was not going to happen. I did wake up at 6:17 am and flew out of bed to meet my young friend, Justin, for an easy one hour ride. Explaining why you need to go easy on a rest week is difficult when talking to a 16 year old. However, we did ride easy and I went at my own pace and Justin was a delight to have on the ride. Justin works with us at the bike shop and he is a young racer. He is also a very nice young man, although I try to never tell him that for fear his head will expand :0), and quite a fine bike rider.
So, that being done by 8 am I still have the whole day to run, lift weights, clean the house, and quite possibly another bike ride - if it is not too hot or storming. WOW! Maybe I could go to the outside pool and work on evening out these awful tan lines...so many possibilities. Nice to have a day off in the middle of the week although I do miss teaching and can't wait to go back in the Fall. I wish I could have a lecture class again but I am thrilled to be teaching four spinning classes.
Still hoping for a PR at Ironman Louisville. I need to get out ride harder and longer on hills. My Thursday ride companion, Pat, has been busy lately but we need to get back on track and get to working long and hard on the hills. I had an update from another IM Louisville participant that we have a little over 80 days to go. My runs are not the best but they are shaping up. My swimming is a little slower than I would like but it is coming along. I really need to get my bricks in but with the heat it has been hard. I might start adding the brick after a shorter ride during the week so it is not quite so hot. However, I need to rest this week so I can be FASTER, STRONGER, LEANER and go HARDER! Rest is the only time we get bigger, better, stronger (stolen from Dr. Thompson) so as hard as it is sometimes (and other times not) rest is good!
So, that being done by 8 am I still have the whole day to run, lift weights, clean the house, and quite possibly another bike ride - if it is not too hot or storming. WOW! Maybe I could go to the outside pool and work on evening out these awful tan lines...so many possibilities. Nice to have a day off in the middle of the week although I do miss teaching and can't wait to go back in the Fall. I wish I could have a lecture class again but I am thrilled to be teaching four spinning classes.
Still hoping for a PR at Ironman Louisville. I need to get out ride harder and longer on hills. My Thursday ride companion, Pat, has been busy lately but we need to get back on track and get to working long and hard on the hills. I had an update from another IM Louisville participant that we have a little over 80 days to go. My runs are not the best but they are shaping up. My swimming is a little slower than I would like but it is coming along. I really need to get my bricks in but with the heat it has been hard. I might start adding the brick after a shorter ride during the week so it is not quite so hot. However, I need to rest this week so I can be FASTER, STRONGER, LEANER and go HARDER! Rest is the only time we get bigger, better, stronger (stolen from Dr. Thompson) so as hard as it is sometimes (and other times not) rest is good!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down...
Mondays stink! Today, I taught 2 spinning classes and swam 1000 yards. I am tired and had a hard time getting up. Not to mention that I got insulted over and over again at work and my house is a mess and needs to be cleaned before an interview tomorrow. I do not know if it will get done and as usual I will be mortified at the condition of my house (downside of being a long distance triathlete is that other things go by the wayside). Plus it is sooooooooooo HOT and humid. It did rain today and it just made it hotter. Thank God it is a rest week...Plans for the week.
Tuesday-bike, run and weights
Wednesday-3 spin classes and swim
Thursday-bike, run and weights
Friday-Army 10 Miler
Saturday-2 hour ride
Tuesday-bike, run and weights
Wednesday-3 spin classes and swim
Thursday-bike, run and weights
Friday-Army 10 Miler
Saturday-2 hour ride
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Thank God Next Week is a REST WEEK!
First, let me just say it is sooooooooooooo HOT here! It is about 15 degrees hotter than normal and it is almost unbearable.
Since last blog entry...
Tuesday afternoon-bike with 15 jumps and it ended up being almost 2:30, weights, yoga
Wednesday-swim, 2 spin classes
Thursday-Bike for 1:40 easy
Friday-3x1 repeats for run (treadmill), weights, 2800 yard swim
Saturday-4:30 bike (supposed to be brick...104 degrees kept me out of run). Ride was good
Sunday-1:58 run...this sucked...I don't know if it was the heat but I cannot express how bad this was...I also had to take a Continuing Education Spin Course and rode easy for 58 minutes.
Needless to say, I am pooped and am so glad next week is a rest week. Plan for this week...
Monday-swim, teach 2 spin classes
Tuesday, weights, yoga, easy bike for 1 hour, easy run
Wednesday-swim, teach 3 spin classes
Thursday-easy bike, easy run
Friday-Army 10 miler
Saturday-easy 2 hour bike
Sunday-DAY OFF
This week is supposed to be just as hot. If so, I will be doing everything very very very early because the heat just stinks! I guess I will be well prepared for the August heat of Louisville! Guess it is true, everything happens for a reason.
Since last blog entry...
Tuesday afternoon-bike with 15 jumps and it ended up being almost 2:30, weights, yoga
Wednesday-swim, 2 spin classes
Thursday-Bike for 1:40 easy
Friday-3x1 repeats for run (treadmill), weights, 2800 yard swim
Saturday-4:30 bike (supposed to be brick...104 degrees kept me out of run). Ride was good
Sunday-1:58 run...this sucked...I don't know if it was the heat but I cannot express how bad this was...I also had to take a Continuing Education Spin Course and rode easy for 58 minutes.
Needless to say, I am pooped and am so glad next week is a rest week. Plan for this week...
Monday-swim, teach 2 spin classes
Tuesday, weights, yoga, easy bike for 1 hour, easy run
Wednesday-swim, teach 3 spin classes
Thursday-easy bike, easy run
Friday-Army 10 miler
Saturday-easy 2 hour bike
Sunday-DAY OFF
This week is supposed to be just as hot. If so, I will be doing everything very very very early because the heat just stinks! I guess I will be well prepared for the August heat of Louisville! Guess it is true, everything happens for a reason.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Yucky run and things never work out the way they are supposed to...
This morning I had 1:45 run scheduled...well, my run sucked and I made 1:01 and bagged it and will run 44 minutes later today. First, I did not want to get up, then I got on the trails and got eaten up by bugs...YUCK! Oh well, bad days make good days seem so much better.
Saturday, I did not feel well so I did nothing. Sunday, I rode 20 miles and ran 2 miles in the morning and then went to the winery ride and rode 35 miles. It was fun and the winery was great! Had too much yummy wine! Thank goodness my husband was there to help me!
Yesterday, I went swimming and taught spinning. Today, I have another 44 minutes to run, bike, yoga and weights. Tomorrow, maybe a tempo run, teach three spin classes, and a swim. Thursday-run, bike, weights (could add Friday's swim so I do not have to do it on Friday), Friday-swim and the tempo run if I do not do in on Wednesday, Saturday-long brick...Sunday...don't quite know yet. I would love to get over 200 miles in on the bike this week so I can inch closer to my yearly goal of 7500 miles...I am way behind.
Little disgruntled at my weight... it varies between 142-143. How come the last 7-8 pounds is sooooooooo hard?
Saturday, I did not feel well so I did nothing. Sunday, I rode 20 miles and ran 2 miles in the morning and then went to the winery ride and rode 35 miles. It was fun and the winery was great! Had too much yummy wine! Thank goodness my husband was there to help me!
Yesterday, I went swimming and taught spinning. Today, I have another 44 minutes to run, bike, yoga and weights. Tomorrow, maybe a tempo run, teach three spin classes, and a swim. Thursday-run, bike, weights (could add Friday's swim so I do not have to do it on Friday), Friday-swim and the tempo run if I do not do in on Wednesday, Saturday-long brick...Sunday...don't quite know yet. I would love to get over 200 miles in on the bike this week so I can inch closer to my yearly goal of 7500 miles...I am way behind.
Little disgruntled at my weight... it varies between 142-143. How come the last 7-8 pounds is sooooooooo hard?
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