So, today, I taught 2 spin classes and went on my first bike ride on the road since Ironman. It wasn't too bad. I felt pretty good! YEAH! Of course, my favorite peeps were there and I was so glad to see them! Tomorrow, teach one spin class, lift, run and yoga with Ginger at 10 am. YEAH!!!
Today, someone told me some exciting news and it really got me to thinking...You see, a little over two years ago I went crazy...okay, not really but it felt like it. But I think it was God's way of getting me to see things differently. I actually thought I was quite happy but really my priorities were really screwed up. For about two years, my life pretty much sucked. I had a terrible attitude and I was just miserable. Oh and I made everyone else miserable too. Sure, I had reasons for this and I could list them but why? Quickly, starting on November 15, 2005, a series of events sent my life into a downward spiral. Honestly, I was not sure I could ever get back to normal (whatever normal is). Slowly, I started to get out of this hole I dug. It took a long time but I realize that I had my priorities all screwed up. One main thing was I put a lot of things in front of my husband...finally, I realized that, while on occasion he makes me NUTS,
he is the person who should be first in my life and not all those other people. He will be here in five years and will the people I put in front of him? Who knows? This downward spiral made me realize that I was not really happy. I also put people in front of my parents and did not appreciate them like I should have. Hey, they are the ultimate professional Ironfans - how could I do that? Now, I do get mad at myself for this but there is nothing I can do about it but apologize and try to do better. Honestly, I have spent a lot of my life angry and comparing myself to others and thinking I was not good enough. The other day on the way to the therapist (I am not crazy, I am just a little unwell), I thought why am I not happy with my life? I have a great life. My Doodle Bug is the person who was meant for me (because no one else would put up with my crap and still love me no matter what). My parents are the best and they support me no matter what (although sometimes I am sure they think I am crazy...). The rest of my family is great too even though I am a mess. I realized that sometimes the people you never think will be there are there no matter what. I have an extended family(who are not actually related to me) who I love and they always take care of me. They never leave me even if I ride at 12 mph and they do not complain. I realized that money is not the best thing because if you are miserable at a job, it costs you waaaaaaaaaaay more then the extra money. Also, I have gotten to go places I never thought I would and do things I never thought I would. Plus, I have the best big fat cat in the world who loves me. Honestly, I realized that God has a path for you and even though you are going through hell, it will be worth it in the end. All the crappy things you go through are done for a reason and it might be to teach you something.
Now, that doesn't mean I do not get disappointed or my expectations are lower. I have a good friend who has recently disappointed me and although I have tried to think of all the excuses I could to make it better, I am still heart broken. Doodle tells me all the time my expectations are too high (the therapist, too). Honestly, I think lowering my expectations is not fair because I think almost all people are good and expecting the best from them will make them want to do their best (including me). However, it does make for some heart breaks but I will take that because I always want to believe people are good. Call me naive or crazy...
So, today think about your priorites and make sure you have them straight. If you are going through hell, remember God has a plan and it will be worth it. Also, remember that life is about the journey and the destination. So enjoy the ride while getting to the destination!
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